Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
