ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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