We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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