He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize