Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
