What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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