i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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