before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
