I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
