I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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