i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
In America we eat man semen.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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