OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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