Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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