I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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