Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My life is pants optional.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize