I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize