I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
