that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
