This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
