Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
