Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
