A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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