thus making me awesome and them whores
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize