just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
