I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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