Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
