Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
