if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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