Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
