I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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