It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
