I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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