I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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