If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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