quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
