Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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