So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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