I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
