I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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