On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
