either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whoreâ€. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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