I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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