I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
