new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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