this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize