My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
