I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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