Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
