Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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