So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
