My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
