i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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