Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
