She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize