checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
