Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
