I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
smell my finger.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
