pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize