This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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