I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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