Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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