Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
