my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
