Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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